i cried ytd until my eyes were swollen this morning when i woke up, after being reprimanded by my elder bro over some window live messenger error...kinda depressing...i did search of how to solve the error, but he said dat i didnt put in any effort at all to find, saying dat im always finding the easy way out. I feel so maligned...i did put in effort, i spent hours!!!But it may be dat i couldnt really judge properly, cos the internet is very dangerous nowadays and im so gullible and all!Hais! His words can be so hurting and cruel sometimes...just cut through my heart...and also just thinking of how my promo results couldnt meet the promotion criteria just makes me feel so depressed...the stress dat has been building up in me cause me to just break down and cry......

Therefore, this morning when i woke up, my eyelids were swollen...and luckily i woke up and spent half an hr trying to use ice cubes with handkerchief to lessen and soothe my swollen eyelids, thankfully, the swollenness of my eyelids has gone down quite a bit, and it is not dat obvious dat my eyelids are swollen.

Im happy to know dat ppl r concerned for me and tried to console me.....those who r not my classmates and just acquaintances of mine, whom i have not known for a long time, as well as my classmates.....Yeap, im happy to know dat i've made great friends, at least at this phase of my life.

You know, sometimes, i feel im so insignificant and so insecure at times.i tend to put on a false front in front of my friends, becos of my pride,acting to be strong when in fact, im not.All i've ever wanted in my life is to have ONE true best friend to confide to, but at this stage of my life, i've not found one yet, i feel so ashamed...while looking at others, who seemed to be so close to one another and are best friends, im feeling so envious of them.

Im one who believes in treating others the way they treat me and i will definitely give my 100% to ppl who r good to me, but sometimes, ppl just take u for granted and dun appreciate u.

Not to mention the fact that i haven told my elder bros and parents about my results, about the predicament i am in, the fact that i MAY retain this yr.....see whether or not, i am given a chance to retest...i wonder how their reaction might be when i've told them...

I feel so apologetic to my elder bros, really, i couldnt match up to ur expectations of getting "As", really, i couldnt even manage a pass at this stage...im terrified......im not like my elder bros, sometimes, i feel so envious of them for being so intelligent....i did put in the effort, but u know wad, during the exam, my mind got stucked again, i panic and my blurrness got the better of me.Becos of a little minor blurrness on my part, i got the rest of dat qn wrong.....i feel unjustified, it's not dat i cannot do, HAIS!Some other qns too.......

I am not able to take stress very well(stress from my family, my elder siblings and peer pressure), and i always cried over my results,im such a crybaby, but i cant help it, i cannot control my EMOTIONS!Last time i used to cry very often, so often that my eyelid has grown a small bump and my parents took me to the eye specialist to get my bump removed! It was a minor surgery to extract that small bump, i was really scared dat time...that was when i finally got to persuade my parents after nagging so many times, that they finally agreed to bring me to the eye specialist. You know how my parents are like, so superstitious and believing in chinese physicians and all, before going to the eye specialist, they just said dat my small bump at my eyelid was due to heatinness and it will soon go away naturally,just drink more liang teh,but it never did!

Later, my eye specialist gone on to explain dat the small bump in my eyelid was developed as a result of me crying too often, dat explains it ALL!

jiayous 6:37 PM